精彩爆笑短篇英語笑話
妻子嫉妒心非常強
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"
有位妻子嫉妒心非常強，以至于有一次，他的丈夫在夜里回來，她在查找了他的夾克沒有發(fā)現(xiàn)頭發(fā)之后，便沖著她的丈夫吼道：“好啊，你欺騙我，你現(xiàn)在竟然和一個禿頂?shù)呐嗽谝黄稹?rdquo;第二天晚上，當她沒有聞到任何香水味后，便又向丈夫吼道：“她不僅禿頭，而且還非常窮，買不起任何香水。”
roast pig 烤乳豬
A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: "Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."
一位先生去赴宴遲到了，匆忙入座后，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的座位正對著乳豬，于是大為高興的說：“還不錯，我坐在乳豬的旁邊。”這時才發(fā)現(xiàn)身旁的一位胖女士正怒目相視，他忙陪笑改口到：“對不起，我說的是那只烤好的。”
The doctor lives downstairs醫(yī)生住在樓下
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
“醫(yī)生”她沖進屋后大聲說道。“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病。”
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”
my little dog can not read我的`狗不識字
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
布朗夫人：哦，親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了!史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊!布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”
它們是從美國直接帶來的
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”
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