英語(yǔ)笑話（精選11個(gè)）
笑話一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一種民間口頭創(chuàng)作形式,在民間文化中以口口相傳的形式傳播。以下是由小編整理的英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎閱讀!
英語(yǔ)笑話 1
A foreign visitor touring the great American West came across an Indian with his ear pressed tothe ground. 一位外國(guó)游客到美國(guó)大西部游覽，碰到一個(gè)印第安人把耳朵緊貼在地上。
"What are you listening for?" heasked. "你在聽(tīng)什么呢?"他詢問(wèn)道。
“為了向你表示謝意，我送你一只龍蝦�！闭f(shuō)著他便給老板一只活蹦亂跳的大龍蝦。
"Well, thats very kind of you. My wife and I will have it for dinner. " “您真好，我太太和我將以它當(dāng)晚餐�！�
"Oh, hes already had dinner. But I am sure hed love to take in a movie. " “喔，它已經(jīng)吃過(guò)晚餐了，但我想它會(huì)喜歡看場(chǎng)電影。”
英語(yǔ)笑話 2
The mourners pain
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”
英語(yǔ)笑話 3
Three Surgeons
Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."
"Thats nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner."
"I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horses posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."
三個(gè)外科醫(yī)生
三個(gè)有名的外科醫(yī)生正在吹噓他們的技術(shù)。“一個(gè)人斷了一只手，他來(lái)找我，”一個(gè)說(shuō)，“如今那個(gè)人是個(gè)音樂(lè)會(huì)的小提琴手�！�
“這算不了什么，”另一個(gè)說(shuō)。“一個(gè)家伙兩條腿斷了，他來(lái)找我，我將它們接了回去。如今，那人是馬拉松選手�！�
“我比你們兩個(gè)都強(qiáng)，”第三個(gè)說(shuō)，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的'車(chē)禍。除了一個(gè)馬屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都沒(méi)有留下。如今，那人坐在美國(guó)參議院里�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話 4
情人來(lái)電
a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"what was that for?", the man asked.
一個(gè)男人坐在那兒看報(bào)紙,他的老婆用煎鍋打他的頭。
"那是為什么?",那人問(wèn)道。
the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".
the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."
the wife apologized and went on with the housework.
妻子回答說(shuō),"這張紙上寫(xiě)的名字珍妮,我在你的褲子口袋里發(fā)現(xiàn)的`"。
那人說(shuō):"我上周看比賽,珍妮是我下注的那匹馬的名字。"
妻子道歉,繼續(xù)做家務(wù)。
three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
she replied "your horse just phoned you".
三天后，他正在看電視,他老婆用比上次大得多的煎鍋打他的頭,他頓時(shí)失去知覺(jué)。
等男人恢復(fù)了意識(shí)，問(wèn)他老婆為什么打他了。
她回答說(shuō):"你的馬打電話給你"。
英語(yǔ)笑話 5
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.孩子們?cè)谔熘鹘虒W(xué)校的自助食堂中排隊(duì)打午飯。
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
在桌子的'前端有一大堆蘋(píng)果。修女寫(xiě)了一張字條，把它貼在了蘋(píng)果盤(pán)上：“只能拿一個(gè)，上帝在看著。”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
繼續(xù)排著隊(duì)向前走，在桌子的盡頭有一大堆巧克力脆餅。
A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples."
一個(gè)孩子寫(xiě)了張字條：“隨便拿，上帝在看著蘋(píng)果�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話 6
解決難題
Some friends and I stopped at an ice-cream parlor.where I asked for my favorite，a hot-fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream. But when the waitress brought our orders，I saw that mine had vanilla ice cream. " I ordered chocolate,"I pointed out.
我和一位朋友來(lái)到一家冰淇琳店。我要了一個(gè)我最喜歡吃的巧克力奶油圣代。當(dāng)女招待送來(lái)我的冰淇淋時(shí)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我的冰淇沐是香草的。我說(shuō):“我要的'是巧克力的�！�
The young woman consulted her order pad and responded，"So you did. Ill take it back and get chocolate."
那位年輕的女士查了一下訂單回答說(shuō):“你確實(shí)要的是巧克力的。我把它拿回去，再給你拿一個(gè)巧克力的�！�
“Never mind，”I said.”I dont like to see anything wasted."
“沒(méi)關(guān)系，”我說(shuō):“我不想浪費(fèi)東西�！�
"Nothing is wasted around here!"she insisted.“We eat our mistakes. "
“這兒什么也浪費(fèi)不了，”女招待堅(jiān)持說(shuō):“我們吃掉自己的錯(cuò)誤。”
英語(yǔ)笑話 7
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.
一個(gè)被告卷入了一樁牽涉大筆資金的訴訟案，他去找他的律師。
A:If I lose this case, Ill be ruined.
如果我輸了這場(chǎng)官司，我就完了。
B:Its in the judges hand now.
這事掌握在法官的手上。
A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?
如果我給法官送一箱雪茄，會(huì)不會(huì)起點(diǎn)作用?
B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldnt even smile ai the judge.
哦.不會(huì)的!這位法官很固執(zhí)，非常注意職業(yè)道德。這種花招只會(huì)讓他對(duì)你產(chǎn)生偏見(jiàn)，他甚至?xí)J(rèn)為你蔑視法庭。事實(shí)上，你甚至都不用對(duì)他微笑。
With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,
最后，法官作了一個(gè)有利于被告的判決，當(dāng)被告離開(kāi)法院時(shí)。
A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.
謝謝你關(guān)于雪茄的`忠告，這很管用。
B:Im sure we wodd have lost the caae if youd sent them.
如果你送了的話，我肯定會(huì)輸?shù)暨@場(chǎng)官司。
A:But did send them.
但是我的確送了。
B:What? You did?!
什么?你送了?!
A:Yes.Thats how we won the case.
對(duì)，這就是我們會(huì)贏這場(chǎng)官司的原因。
B:I dont understand.
我不明白。
A:Its easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiffs business card.
這很簡(jiǎn)單，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一張名片。
英語(yǔ)笑話 8
不必再看眼科醫(yī)生了
It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.
我己經(jīng)很多年沒(méi)做眼睛檢查了。我妻子總是催我去掛個(gè)號(hào)。她越是督我，我越是耽擱不去。最后，她替我掛了個(gè)號(hào)。
The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,
在我去見(jiàn)醫(yī)生的.前一天，我的情緒特別好。我對(duì)妻于又是親又是抱，還說(shuō)她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.
"That does it,”she said.“Im canceling your appointment."
她說(shuō):“這回眼睛沒(méi)問(wèn)題了，那我現(xiàn)在就去把號(hào)退了�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話 9
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their nigh clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don’t think of money when they’re afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer because I took them.” “You don’t know my work，” said the other. “What is your work?” “I’m a policeman.
“Oh!” cried the first man. He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work?”“No，”said the policeman. “I’m a writer. I’m always telling stories about things that never happened.”
【譯文】
你知道我是干什么的嗎?
一天晚上，一家旅館失火，住在這家旅館里的人穿著睡 衣就跑了出來(lái)，趣味英語(yǔ)：笑話三則。 兩個(gè)人站在外面，看著大火。
“在我出來(lái)之前，”其中一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我跑進(jìn)一些房間，找到了一大筆錢(qián)。人在恐懼中是不會(huì)想到錢(qián)的。如果有人把紙幣留在火里，火就會(huì)把它燒成灰燼。所以我把我所能找到的鈔票都拿走了。沒(méi)有人會(huì)因?yàn)槲夷米咚鼈兌兊酶F�！� “你不知道我是干什么的.�！绷硪粋�(gè)說(shuō)。 “你是干什么的?”
“我是警察�！�
“噢!”第一個(gè)人喊了一聲。他靈機(jī)一動(dòng)，說(shuō)：“那你知道我是干什么的?”“不知道�！本煺f(shuō)。 “我是個(gè)作家。我總是愛(ài)編一些從未發(fā)生過(guò)的故事�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話 10
Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?
Jack:I don`t know ,father.
Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.
【譯文】
誰(shuí)是最懶惰的
爸爸：杰克，我今天已經(jīng)和你的`老師談過(guò)了，現(xiàn)在我想問(wèn)你，誰(shuí)是你們班上最懶的人?
杰克：我不知道，爸爸
爸爸：你再好好想想，當(dāng)別的同學(xué)都在讀書(shū)寫(xiě)字的時(shí)候，誰(shuí)楞在那兒僅僅是看著其他人?
杰克：是我們的老師，爸爸
英語(yǔ)笑話 11
Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?”
Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.”
Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?”
Father：“A convert，my son.”
【譯文】
什么叫叛徒?
有希望的青年人：“父親，什么叫政治叛徒?”
父親(一位老資格的政治家)：“叛徒指的.是離開(kāi)我們黨而加入到另一個(gè)黨的人，中小學(xué)英語(yǔ)《趣味英語(yǔ)：笑話三則》�！�
有希望的青年人：“那么，離開(kāi)他的黨而加入到我們黨的人又叫什么呢?”
父親：“叫改變信仰者。我的兒子�！�
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