初一英語小笑話
1、A big battle was going on during the First World War.Guns were firing， and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere.After an hour of this， one of the soldiers decidedthat the fighting was getting too dangerous for him， so he leftthe front line and began to go away from the battle. After hehad walked for an hour，he saw an officer coming towardshim. The officer stopped him and said，“ where are you going?” “I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battlethat's going on behind us， sir，” the soldier answered. “Do you know who I am?” the officer said to him angrily.“I'm your commanding officer.” The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said，“My God，I didn't know that I was so far back already!”
第一次世界大戰期間，一場大戰役正在進行。槍炮轟鳴，炮彈和子彈到處亂飛。這樣過了一個小時后，一個士兵認定戰斗對他來說變得太危險了，所以他離開前線開始逃離戰場。步行了一個小時之后，他看見一個軍官向他走過來。那軍官叫住他說：“你要到哪兒去?” “長官，我正盡可能遠地躲開我們身后正在進行的戰役，”士兵回答說。 “你知道我是誰嗎?”軍官生氣地對他說：“我是你的指揮官。” 那士兵聽到此話感到非常驚訝，說：“天哪，我想不到我已經往回跑了這么遠了!”
2、Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. "Don't you ever look at the speedometer?" the officer scolded. Before I knew it, the truth spilled from my mouth. "As fast as I was going," I admitted, "I was afraid to take my eyes off the road."
因為旅行推銷員為了謀生需要拜訪盡量多的客戶，所以超速飛車趕場對于他們來說也不是沒有過的事情。有一次我就因為超速度行駛被一個公路巡警攔了下來。“你有沒有看過你的時速表?”那名警官責問。當我的回答一出口，我立刻后悔了，但已經太晚了。“車開得越來越快”，我如實地說，“我的眼睛得一直盯著前面，沒敢看別的”。
3、A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son."Dad, “says the son, there’s something I’ve got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"
"Son”, the father replies, I painted the vase."
一個富有的主婦很是驕傲因為她收藏了一件非常有價值的'古董花瓶，于是她決定把臥室粉刷成與花瓶同樣的顏色。許多油漆匠都試圖盡力與花瓶的顏色匹配，但是沒有任何人能做得 讓那古怪的女人滿意的。
一個油漆匠很自信他能做到，最終他成功了。那個主婦很滿意，于是這個油漆匠也變得很出名。
多年以后，油漆匠要退休了，他把自己的生意交給兒子去經營。“爸爸”兒子問“我還有些事情想知道，你怎么能把墻粉刷得和花瓶的顏色那么相配?”“兒子”爸爸回答到“我只不過是把花瓶刷了。”
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