樂(lè)翻天英語(yǔ)笑話
Cry
"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
“湯姆，你弟弟怎么了?” 媽媽在廚房里問(wèn)。“他在哭。”
“沒(méi)事兒，媽媽，”湯姆答道。“我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因?yàn)槲也唤o他吃。”
“他已經(jīng)吃完自己的了么?”
“是的。”“我?guī)退酝陼r(shí)，他也哭了。”
可憐的男人
A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
Bartender: "That should make you happy."
The man: "No, the month is up today!"
一個(gè)男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。
酒吧招待：“你怎么了?跟老婆鬧矛盾了?”
男人：“我們吵了一架，她說(shuō)一個(gè)月都不跟我說(shuō)話。”
酒吧招待：“那你應(yīng)該高興才是啊!”
男人：“不，今天是這個(gè)月的最后一天。”
太黑了，看不見(jiàn)
After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."
晚飯后，父親和母親都忙著和客人玩麻將，這時(shí)母親忽然想起點(diǎn)兒事來(lái)，便對(duì)正在看電視的兒子說(shuō)道：“寶貝，去看看廚房里的燈是不是還開(kāi)著呢?” 過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，兒子回來(lái)說(shuō)：“媽，廚房里太黑了，我根本就看不見(jiàn)。”
One real man 一個(gè)真正的男子漢
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴(yán)格地，嚴(yán)厲地).
Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.
It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.
Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.
古代有一個(gè)國(guó)王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說(shuō)的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國(guó)里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說(shuō)，哪個(gè)男人膽敢不說(shuō)實(shí)話，就會(huì)受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。
然后，他叫所有聽(tīng)從妻子的命令和意見(jiàn)的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個(gè)小個(gè)子男人站到了右側(cè)。
國(guó)王說(shuō)：看到我們國(guó)家里還有一個(gè)真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個(gè)人站在大廳的右側(cè)。
陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因?yàn)樵谖页鲩T之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。
萬(wàn)能的圣誕老人并非啥都知道
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
一個(gè)女孩爬到圣誕老人的膝蓋上，圣誕老人例行公事的問(wèn)：“今年圣誕節(jié)你想要什么呢?”
孩子瞪大眼睛驚訝的望著圣誕老人一分鐘都沒(méi)講話，然后喘著氣說(shuō)到：“你沒(méi)收到我的電子郵件嗎?(我想要什么都寫上面了，萬(wàn)能的圣誕老人咋能不知道捏)”
Psychiatrist 精神病醫(yī)生
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!
杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生。“醫(yī)生，我有些不對(duì)勁。每次睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候，我都感覺(jué)有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫(yī)生說(shuō)，“每周來(lái)三次，我會(huì)治好你。”“費(fèi)用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會(huì)認(rèn)真考慮的。”杰瑞答道。六個(gè)月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒(méi)來(lái)呢?”醫(yī)生問(wèn)。“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉。現(xiàn)在那沒(méi)人了!”
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