詼諧幽默爆笑英語笑話
我妹妹的手指頭
Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?
Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.
Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
老師：凱溫，這次你怎么又遲到了?
凱溫：對不起，老師，我在家釘釘子，砸壞了兩個手指頭。
老師：怎么沒有扎繃帶呀?
凱溫：噢，砸的不是我的手指頭，我叫小妹妹扶著釘子的。
三位在天堂門口的醫(yī)生
Three doctors arrived in heaven. St. Peter asked them why they should be let into heaven.
The first doctor said, "Because I won the Nobel Peace Prize for my work." St. Peter let him in.
The second doctor said, "I haven't won any prizes, but I've started free clinics and helped those in need for free." St. Peter let him in.
The third doctor said, "I'm responsible for all the hospitals across the United States."
St. Peter thought about it for a minute and said, "OK, I'll let you in, but you will be responsible for your safety!"
三位醫(yī)生到了天堂。圣彼得問他們，為什么他們能進入天堂。
第一個醫(yī)生回答：“因為我獲得過諾貝爾和平獎。”圣彼得讓他進了天堂。
第二個醫(yī)生回答：“我沒得過什么獎，但我開設過免費門診，免費治病。”圣彼得讓他進了天堂。
第三個醫(yī)生回答：“我負責管理美國所有的醫(yī)院。”
圣彼得思考了一分鐘，說：“好吧，我讓你進去，但你要為自己的安全負責!”
沒想到那么貴
A shoplifter 51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時候被當場擒獲。“聽著，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當什么也沒發(fā)生，你看怎樣?”經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。”
它們是從美國直接帶來的
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的.美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”
Where It Should Be Plugged
A mother is very good at using every chance to educate his son, who was only three years old. One day, she took a plug and said to her son, " Look, there are two pieces of copper, so it must be plugged in a place where there are two holes. Where do you think it should be plugged?" She waited for an answer expectfully .
"Plug in nose." is the answer.
一位母親十分善于利用每一個機會對孩子進行教育。她的兒子只有三歲。一天，她拿著一個插頭對兒子說：“看，這里有兩個銅片，那它一定要插在有兩個孔的地方。你說它應該插在哪兒呢?”母親期待著兒子的回答。
“插在鼻子里!”兒子回答說。
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