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逗你一笑的英語笑話
導語：愛笑的人，運氣總不會太差，那么你喜歡笑么?這里小編收集整理了逗你一笑的英語笑話，一起來看看吧!說不定能點中你的笑穴哦!
1、father: oh, jack, you have slept away the whole morning. don't you know you are wasting time?
父親：噢，杰克，你又睡了一上午。難道你不知道你這是在浪費時間嗎?
jack: yes, dad. but i've saved you a meal, haven' i?
杰克：我知道，爸爸。可我還給您節省了一頓飯呢，是不是?
2、a little boy asked his father, "daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
一個小男孩問他的父親，“爸爸，要花多少錢才能結婚呢?”
and the father replied, "i don't know, son, i'm still paying."
“我也不知道，我現在還在交錢。”父親回答。
3、after friends of mine landed at busy newwark airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. in desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.
我的朋友們在繁忙的紐瓦克機場著陸后，他們卻不能招呼到腳夫來幫他們搬行李。無奈，丈夫拿出一張五美元的鈔票在人群上面搖晃。
in an instant, a skycap was at his side. sir, observed the porter, you certainly have excellent communication skills.
一個帶寬邊帽的人馬上來到他身邊。“先生，”腳夫說道，“很明顯你有絕妙的交際技巧。”
4、a very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. he had never seen them before,so he began:my name is stone, and i'm even harder than stone,so do what i tell you or there'll be trouble. don't try any tricks with me, and then we'll get on well together
有一位很嚴厲的軍官在對一群交由他訓練的新兵訓話。他以前從沒見過這群新兵，于是他開始自我介紹：我的名字叫stone(石頭)，事實上，我甚至比石頭更強硬。這就是我為什么要告訴你們我名字的原因。不要試圖對我玩什么花招，這樣我們就能很好相處了。
then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name. speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly, he said, and don't forget to call me 'sir'.
接著他開始走到每個士兵前面問他們的名字。說大聲點，讓每個人都能聽清楚。另外，不要忘記稱呼我為長官。他說。
5、applying for my first job, i realized i had to be creative in listing my few qualifications(資格證書，職位要求) . asked about additional schooling and training, i answered truthfully that i had spent three years in computer programming classes. i got the job.
第一次求職時，我意識到在列舉我所具備的為數不多的條件時，得有點創造性。當問及我是否受過其它的培訓時，我老實地回答說我花了三年時間學計算機程序設計課。我得到了那份工作。
i had neglected to mention that i took the same course for three years before i passed.
我沒有提到那門功課我重復學了三年才考及格。
6、my father, who was 14 years old than my mother, had been working on his will. at a family dinner he told us that he had provided well for mother, but the family home would go to us five children if she remarried.
我爸比我媽大14歲，最近一直在寫遺囑。一次家宴上，他告訴我們說他為母親以后的生活作好了安排，但如果她改嫁的話，家里的房子將歸我們五個孩子所有。
"i don't want another s.o.b. toasting his shins(小腿骨) around my fireplace," he explained.
“我可不愿意另外哪個狗娘養的在我的火爐旁烤他的狗腿，”他解釋道。
with a sly grin, mother cracked, "what makes you think i'd marry another s.o.b?"
媽媽狡猾地咧了咧嘴，譏誚道：“你怎么認為我會再嫁給一個狗娘養的?”
7、three competing store owners rented adjoining(毗連的) shops in a mall. observers waited for mayhem(故意的傷害罪，蓄意的破壞) to ensue.
三個互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪，旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
the retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, gigantic sale! and super bargains!
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：大減價!特便宜!
the store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, prices slashed! and fantastic discounts!
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：大砍價!大折扣!
the owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, entrance.
中間的商人隨后準備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：入口處。
8、a man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. a friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. the weeping one said, the doctor has just told me i'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.
一個男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流淚。一個朋友走進來問他為何如此傷心。那人哭著說：剛才醫生告訴我，在我的余生里都要吃這些藥片。
cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.
他的朋友很輕松地指出，許多人一輩子每天都要吃藥。當然，男人回答說：但是他只給了我十片。
9、a teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. she started her class by saying, "everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
一個老師在對學生們講心理學，“誰認為自己蠢就站起來?”她一開始就說。
little johnny then stood up.
小約翰尼站了起來。
the teacher said, "do you think you're stupid, johnny?"
“你認為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼?”老師問。
"no, ma'am, but i hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站著。”
10、a lady lost her handbag. it was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. looking in her purse, she commented, "hmmm.... that's funny. when i lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. now there are twenty $1 bills."
一個女人丟了手提包，有一個誠實的小孩撿到后交還給了她。她看了看錢包，說：“嗯，這么有趣，我丟的時候里面是一張20美元，現在成了20張一美元。”
the boy quickly replied, "that's right, lady. the last time i found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
“沒錯，夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我撿到錢包時，那位夫人沒有零錢獎賞給我。”
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