簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話集錦
總是有些時(shí)候莫名其妙的不開心，心情不佳的時(shí)候就會(huì)辦什么都不在狀態(tài)，你會(huì)這樣么?這里小編收集整理了簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話集錦，讓你的心情速速好起來(lái)。
簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話【1】
Gone to the Dogs
There was this man that had a dog. He came home one day, and his dog was belly up with its legs sticking in the air.
He wasn't sure if it was dead or not, so he took it to the vet. He told the vet of his problem, and the vet said that there was a sure-fire way to see if the dog is indeed dead.
He left the room and returned with a cat. He rubbed the cat in the dogs face, and after a while came to the conclusion that the dog was indeed dead.
The man was upset and asked the doctor how much he owed him. The doctor said, "$550" The man was stunned. He asked the doctor to explain and the doctor said, "Fifty for the visit, and 500 for the cat-scan..."
簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話【2】
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"
Jerry去看精神病醫(yī)生。“醫(yī)生，我有些不對(duì)勁。每次我上床睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候，我就覺(jué)得有人在我床底下。我都快瘋了!”
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫(yī)生說(shuō)，“每周來(lái)三次，我會(huì)治好你。”
"How much do you charge?"
“怎么收費(fèi)呢?”
"A hundred dollars per visit."
“一次100美元。”
"I'll sleep on it," said Jerry.
“我會(huì)認(rèn)真考慮的。”，Jerry 答道。
Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
六個(gè)月以后，醫(yī)生在大街上碰到Jerry。“你怎么沒(méi)有再來(lái)呢?”精神病醫(yī)生問(wèn)道。
"For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10."
“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”
"Is that so! How?"
“真的'?他怎么做到的?”
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!!!"
“他要我把床腳砍了!這樣不就沒(méi)有人在床下了嗎?”
簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話【3】
The Christian Horse
There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house andcollapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"
The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."
Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."
So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop.
"Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!"
Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"
The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God."
簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話【4】
The Author's Son
The kind bishop1 intimately asked an author's son, "Do you want to become an author like your father?"
"No," replied the author's son.
"Then what is your ambition, my little man?" said the bishop.
"I want to become a famous person, then anything I write will be printed," frankly2 replied the hopeful little boy, wise beyond his age.
作家的兒子
和藹友善的主教親切地問(wèn)一位作家的兒子：“你想成為一個(gè)像你父親一樣的作家嗎?”
作家的兒子回答說(shuō)：“不想。”
主教說(shuō)：“那你有什么志向呀，小家伙!”
這個(gè)早慧的對(duì)未來(lái)充滿希望的男孩坦率地回答說(shuō)：“我要成為一個(gè)有名的人，那時(shí)無(wú)論我寫什么，都會(huì)被刊載和出版。”
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