經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話
笑話來(lái)源于生活，卻又可以讓我們的生多些歡樂(lè)、開(kāi)心，現(xiàn)在，一起來(lái)開(kāi)心爆笑下。
經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話一：
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問(wèn)，“發(fā)生了什么事?”
“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說(shuō)。
“再見(jiàn)到他你能認(rèn)出來(lái)嗎?”媽媽問(wèn)。
“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說(shuō)。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。”
經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話二：
How to be like a gentleman
Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."
"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"
"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.
"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".
迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。一天，媽媽把他們帶到姨媽家去玩，自己就到大城市去買些新的衣服。
孩子們玩了個(gè)把小時(shí)，在四點(diǎn)半的時(shí)候，姨媽領(lǐng)著迪克走進(jìn)了廚房。她交給迪克一塊精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并對(duì)他說(shuō)：“喏，迪克，給你刀子，把這塊蛋糕一切為二，給你妹妹一塊。不過(guò)，你得記住要做得像一個(gè)紳士那樣。”
迪克問(wèn)：“像一個(gè)紳士?紳士怎樣做呢?”
他姨媽馬上回答說(shuō)：“紳士總是把大的一塊讓給別人的。”
迪克說(shuō)了一聲“噢”。他對(duì)此想了一會(huì)，然后，他把蛋糕拿給妹妹，并對(duì)她說(shuō)：“凱瑟琳，你來(lái)把這塊蛋糕一切為二吧。”
經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話三：Ghange of Plan
Frank and Fred had received their draft notices on the same day, and neither wanted to enter the army.
But Frank had heard that the army would nct accept anyone without teeth, so they both had all their teeth pulled.
On the day of their medical exam, Frank and Fred got in line, but a huge, hairy, smelly truck driver cut in between them.
As Frank got up to the head of the line, he announced to the inspecting sergeant that he had no teeth.
The sergeant had Frank open his mouth, ran his forefinger over the raw gums and said,
"Sure endugh, you don’t. You’re rejected. "
Turning to the truck driver, he asked, 'What's your problem?"
The trucker said, "I've got a tremendous case of the piles. "
The sergeant had the fellow bend over, inserted his fore finger and rotated it around thoroughly,
"Sure enough, you've got a bad case. Rejected!"
Turning to Fred, the sergeant demanded, "And what's your problem?"
Staring at the forefinger, Fred replied, "Nothing at all, sergeant, nothing at all. "
臨時(shí)改變主意
法蘭克和佛烈德兩人同一天收到召集令，兩人都不想去服兵役。
但法蘭克曾經(jīng)聽(tīng)人說(shuō)軍中不收沒(méi)有牙齒的人，因此他們兩人都把所有的牙齒給拔掉了。
在體格檢查那天，他們兩人排在同一排隊(duì)伍，可是有一個(gè)大塊頭、滿身毛發(fā)而且臭味難當(dāng)?shù)目ㄜ囁緳C(jī)插在他們中間。
當(dāng)法蘭克排到隊(duì)伍的前頭時(shí)，他對(duì)檢查的班長(zhǎng)說(shuō)他沒(méi)有牙齒，
那名士官要他張開(kāi)嘴巴，接著用食指在他紅腫的.牙齦繞了一圈后說(shuō)道：
“沒(méi)錯(cuò)，你沒(méi)牙齒，不用當(dāng)兵!”
接著輪到卡車司機(jī)，士官說(shuō)：“你有什么問(wèn)題嗎?”
卡車司機(jī)說(shuō)道：“我患有嚴(yán)重的痔瘡。”
班長(zhǎng)要那個(gè)家伙彎下身去，用他的食指在肛門轉(zhuǎn)了一整圈后說(shuō)道：
“沒(méi)錯(cuò)，你的情形很嚴(yán)重，不合格!”
再來(lái)輪到佛烈德，班長(zhǎng)又問(wèn)：“那你的問(wèn)題是什么?”
凝視著他的食指，佛烈德答道：“沒(méi)什么問(wèn)題，班長(zhǎng)，我一點(diǎn)問(wèn)題也沒(méi)有。”
經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話四：Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五個(gè)月
第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開(kāi)始了，約翰想?yún)④�，可他只有十六歲，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說(shuō)他已經(jīng)十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆](méi)幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。
“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問(wèn)。
“十八，長(zhǎng)官。”約翰說(shuō)。
“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”
約翰臉紅了，說(shuō)：“哦，不是，長(zhǎng)官，我哥哥比我大五個(gè)月。”
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