英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的
笑話就是指以一句話，一個(gè)情節(jié)或一個(gè)小故事讓說(shuō)話者和聽者之間覺得好笑，或是產(chǎn)生幽默感，另外一個(gè)行動(dòng)(動(dòng)作)型的笑話是以動(dòng)作影響人的視覺及觀感，使內(nèi)心產(chǎn)生愉悅感，而感很到好笑。笑話可以緩解緊張氣氛，一起看看下面的簡(jiǎn)單的英語(yǔ)笑話吧！
英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的【1】
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
三個(gè)互相爭(zhēng)生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：大減價(jià)！特便宜！
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：大砍價(jià)!大折扣!
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.
中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個(gè)大招牌，上面只簡(jiǎn)單地寫著：入口處。
英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的【2】
One Point
Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year －"62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.
One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
一分之差
位于印第安那州瓦巴西的`懷茲中學(xué)，其門廳里懸掛著過去四十年間樣籃球隊(duì)的照片。每幅照片前排中間的隊(duì)員舉著一個(gè)籃球，上面標(biāo)明年份－“62-63”，“63-64”，“64-65”等等。
一天，我看到一個(gè)新生很困惑地看著照片。他朝我轉(zhuǎn)過身來(lái)，說(shuō)道：“多奇怪呀，這些隊(duì)都是以一分之差輸?shù)舻模?quot;
英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的【3】
Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr.Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about？”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered.
“ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.”
新生兒
泰勒夫婦有一個(gè)七歲的男孩，名叫帕特。現(xiàn)在泰勒太太正懷著第二胎。
帕特在別人家看見過嬰兒，他不太喜歡他們，所以他對(duì)自己家里也將有一個(gè)嬰兒的消息感到不滿。
一天晚上，泰勒夫婦正在為這個(gè)嬰兒的降生計(jì)劃做安排。泰勒先生說(shuō)：“有了嬰兒，我們的房子就太小，不夠住了。”
帕特恰好在這個(gè)時(shí)候走進(jìn)屋，他問：“你們?cè)谡f(shuō)什么？”他的母親回答說(shuō)：“我們?cè)谡f(shuō)我們現(xiàn)在得搬家，因?yàn)閶雰壕鸵Q生了。”
“那沒用，”帕特絕望地說(shuō)。“他會(huì)跟我們到那兒去的。”
英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的【4】
Three Surgeons
Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."
"That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner."
"I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."
三個(gè)外科醫(yī)生
三個(gè)有名的外科醫(yī)生正在吹噓他們的技術(shù)。“一個(gè)人斷了一只手，他來(lái)找我，”一個(gè)說(shuō)，“如今那個(gè)人是個(gè)音樂會(huì)的小提琴手。”
“這算不了什么，”另一個(gè)說(shuō)。“一個(gè)家伙兩條腿斷了，他來(lái)找我，我將它們接了回去。如今，那人是馬拉松選手。”
“我比你們兩個(gè)都強(qiáng)，”第三個(gè)說(shuō)，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的車禍。除了一個(gè)馬屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都沒有留下。如今，那人坐在美國(guó)參議院里。”
英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的【5】
A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.
一位公路巡警截住了一個(gè)超速司機(jī)。“難道你不知道閃爍燈和警笛的意思嗎？”他責(zé)問道。
"Yes, sir," replied the driver.
“知道，長(zhǎng)官，”司機(jī)回答說(shuō)。
"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"
“那你為什么不立即靠邊停車？”
"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
“我本來(lái)想這樣做的，長(zhǎng)官。”那男子回答說(shuō)，“但上個(gè)月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她帶回來(lái)。”
英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的【6】
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask Why do we have to learn this stuff?
To save lives. The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. So how does physics save lives? he persisted. It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school, replied the professor.
在圣路易斯的一所醫(yī)學(xué)院預(yù)科大學(xué)，學(xué)生必須修一門很難的物理課。一天，教授正在探討一個(gè)特別復(fù)雜的概念，一個(gè)學(xué)生粗魯?shù)卮驍嗨脑挘瑔柕溃簽槭裁次覀円欢ㄒ獙W(xué)這種東西？
為了救人。教授很快回答，繼續(xù)講課。幾分鐘后，那個(gè)學(xué)生再次大聲堅(jiān)持：那么物理怎么救人呢？教授回答：它通常可以把你這種笨蛋趕出醫(yī)學(xué)院。
英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的【7】
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn't you?" I teased.
"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
我們的兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學(xué)的新生，開學(xué)幾個(gè)星期之后，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，“提醒”他我們將光臨。但是當(dāng)我們來(lái)到宿舍時(shí)，他的房間凌亂不堪，我非常吃驚。“忘了我們要來(lái)，是吧？”我取笑他。
“開什么玩笑？”，他回答說(shuō)，“要不我憑什么費(fèi)神打掃？”
英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的【8】
情人來(lái)電
a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"what was that for?", the man asked.
一個(gè)男人坐在那兒看報(bào)紙,他的老婆用煎鍋打他的頭。
"那是為什么?",那人問道。
the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".
the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."
the wife apologized and went on with the housework.
妻子回答說(shuō),"這張紙上寫的名字珍妮,我在你的褲子口袋里發(fā)現(xiàn)的"。
那人說(shuō):"我上周看比賽,珍妮是我下注的那匹馬的名字。"
妻子道歉,繼續(xù)做家務(wù)。
three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
she replied "your horse just phoned you".
三天后，他正在看電視,他老婆用比上次大得多的煎鍋打他的頭,他頓時(shí)失去知覺。
等男人恢復(fù)了意識(shí)，問他老婆為什么打他了。
她回答說(shuō):"你的馬打電話給你"。
英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的【9】
Blind Date
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
相親
和盲約對(duì)象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個(gè)朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開了。當(dāng)他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說(shuō)：“有個(gè)不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒恕！薄爸x天謝地！”他的約會(huì)對(duì)象說(shuō)，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”
英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)單的【10】
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.孩子們?cè)谔熘鹘虒W(xué)校的自助食堂中排隊(duì)打午飯。
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
在桌子的前端有一大堆蘋果。修女寫了一張字條，把它貼在了蘋果盤上：“只能拿一個(gè)，上帝在看著。”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
繼續(xù)排著隊(duì)向前走，在桌子的盡頭有一大堆巧克力脆餅。
A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples."
一個(gè)孩子寫了張字條：“隨便拿，上帝在看著蘋果。”
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